The Potato Salad War

Yes you read it right.

It was a potato salad war. Not for the faint hearted. Only the brave, daring, super-chic and savvy dare engage in the periodic Saturday afternoon past-time. Sometimes the object which has the unfortunate role of being at the centre of the war changes, so it becomes a 'lamb ragout', or 'creme caramel', or 'baked ricotta cheesecake', but the fact remains that such wars occur frighteningly often in the world of the Superwoman. And that is just on a Saturday - don't get me started on the working week wars....

Scene: Afternoon bar-be-que. friends en masse (some with child or children, some without, quite a seemingly voluminous number of them all at various ages and dressed in their finest, making faces at parents who continually scold 'don't get that dirty!' Or 'stay away from that dog bowl/garden mulch/bird bath/other-object-of-assumed-dirtiness!', all the while seeking out the funnest and quickest way to do exactly the opposite), neighbours of the host, bright and beautiful day, birds are chirping, all is wonderful with the world.

Behind the scene: women of all backgrounds vying for the 'best made (insert item-of-choice here, in this case, potato salad) of the day'. Usually determined (unwittingly) by the husbands and children who invariably comment on the item of the day , saying things like 'that is the best (insert name here) I have ever eaten!', between mouthfuls and beneath the strained glare of their wives/mothers whose own salad is ignored. Usually the winner has their item-of-choice all eaten first, and often with people complaining that they didn't get to try any - all extremely good for the ego particularly for those who need the boost!

So, this was the context that I found myself in last Saturday - with my potato salad, perfectly attired and polished appearance, children all appropriately dressed and lectured on displaying good manners, appropriate play behaviour, eating with mouths closed, and for God's sake do not play in the dog bowl/garden mulch/bird bath!, husband clutching his beer and scouting for the other husbands, all as perfect as a picture and just as a superwoman always appears.

I set down the bowl with the others. And in dismay I discover that I am not the only one who has thought of potato salad...what to do? Quickly the thought enters my mind to tamper with the others, perhaps add a 'dash' of extra salt? Some vinegar? as I scan the room looking for a WMD. None to be found. Time is running out! How could everyone bring potato salad? They all looked the same, except the different bowls (another competitive point, although the bowl is little noticed by anyone else other than the Superwomen). Someone was coming. "Hi! Lovely day isn't it?" I smile graciously to hide my fleeting, wicked, thoughts.

As we finish our meal and what was a great day spent catching up with friends and watching the children get inevitably dirty whilst they had fun playing, the superwomen organised themselevs to collect their bowls. Whether there had been any gratious comments whilst eating by the 'Judges Panel' I do not know; I paid little attention given the extensive 'sameness' of the competition. However, my bowl was empty.

"We had so much potato salad today" says Superfriend. "Yours must have been really good, everyone else had some left over! Thanks for bringing it!"

Triumph. Eyes gleaming with pride, I leave with Superchildren and Superhusband in tow. I have done Superwomen the world over proud.

I won the Potato Salad War with a store bought salad, placed in my (very chic, if I do say so myself) bowl and claimed as my own.

Cheater!!! I hear you claim in outrage....well, only because you didn't think of it first and are jealous - if you REALLY were a Superwoman, you would know that, as least for potato salad, buying a store one is the SMART thing to do (provided it is of the requisite standard, of course!).

We can't do absolutely everything....it's all about playing smart, not hard!